hygiene horror stories, first edition
Based on a true story
I’ve always struggled with having simultaneously dry and oily skin–and that doesn’t only apply to my face. My scalp produces enough oil to make me wash my hair everyday to avoid greasiness. But all of that hair washing leaves my scalp really unbalanced, and in the winter especially, when sweaters start to get static-y and noses get runny, my scalp begins to flake.
As I became aware that I had this issue, I quickly figured it was best not to wear dark colors, especially black, because the dandruff would be more noticeable on my shoulders. However, I obviously had no control over what anyone else was wearing!
Picture this: I’d had a year-long crush on a boy in my APUSH class. We were friends, so we studied together sometimes and hung around in the same circles. When it came time for homecoming last October, he asked me to be his date (as a friend), and I was over the moon. I spent days searching for the perfect dress and my mom even let me get my hair cut. I was excited for the perfect night, one that I hoped would show my crush the potential for us to be more than just friends.
He complimented me when we met up for photos before leaving for the venue, and we had a lovely night dancing together and laughing with friends. When it came time to leave, his brother picked us up to grab a late-night bite. I leaned my head on my crush’s shoulder in the backseat of the car. It was the perfect homecoming. I was at peace–until we walked into the brightly lit restaurant! My crush, who was wearing a beautifully tailored athletic-fit black blazer, had my dandruff all over him!
My heart started racing but my mind worked faster. As soon as we were sat at a table, and before he could notice the little white flakes on his jacket, I playfully threw salt over my shoulder and then his, saying “I was warding off evil spirits” (it was almost Halloween). I intentionally got it all over him hoping it would blend in with the dandruff and he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It worked! He didn’t notice anything! But it didn’t change the fact that I felt secretly mortified every time I saw him for the next month.
Things didn’t end up working out between us, but luckily it had nothing to do with my dry scalp. I’ve since found a shampoo that works for me and keeps me flake-free (hint: it’s recurrent’s 2:1 shampoo + body wash–the shea butter, coconut oil, and reishi mushroom all work together to hydrate my scalp, without any harsh chemicals, and it even keeps bacne away!). In any case, this hygiene horror story will stay with me forever!